I'M BACK, WELL SORT OF!

Hello my friends!

Back by popular demand, or at the very least, by the request of a few friends. It has been half a year since my milestone birthday, and my last blog, so forgive me if I am a little rusty. I have a few blog post ideas but have decided to share someone else's first.

Anthony is a high school senior at Bernards and has Duchenne Muscular Dystrophy( please google for more information on this disease). Fortunately for Anthony, he is the ultimate optimist, and now has his own blog to share his positive messages.

I hope you will read his blog, make a comment and consider subscribing. It is far better than anything I could have written, and, this morning, it lifted my spirits!

Life is Like Football
The goal in life, Is to get a touchdown, But its hard to do, With defenders around, Make sure to hold the ball, When you hit the ground. Some days you run, Others you throw, You never know, How many yards you’ll go, Brace for impact, You might be sacked. Get some yards, Come so close, To first down, But you must punt, Some people call this, Giving up. One day the football, Slips from your hands, A fumble, Its up to you,		Will it be saved? Or will it be lost? A foul is called, When you mess up, A mistake to learn from, Sometimes a timeout, Is all you need, To learn to get out there, And take the lead. You may be on defense, Offense or safety, Its not everything, To be quarterback, Everyone has a part, In the game of life. And when that catch is received, In the touchdown zone, You stop a while, And do a dance, 15 points are needed, Winning this game, You have a chance.
Life is a never-ending story and so is my blog. There is much, much more to come, so keep reading my friends!

Here is Blog address:http://anthonysabilities.com/blog

Enjoy and let me know what you think!

Shana Tova

We look to the future with hope - yet with trembling,

Knowing that uncertainties accompany the new year.

Help us, O G-d to look forward with faith,

And to learn from whatever the future may bring.

If we face disappointment,

Help us to learn patience.

If we face sorrow,

Help us to learn sympathy.

If we face pain,

Help us to learn strength.

If we face danger,

Help us to learn courage.

If we face failure,

Help us to learn endurance.

If we achieve success,

Help us learn gratitude.

If we attain prosperity,

Help us to learn generosity.

If we win praise,

Help us learn humility.

If we are blessed with joy,

Help us to learn sharing.

If we are blessed with health,

Help us to learn caring.

Whatever the new year may bring,

May we confront it honorably and faithfully.

May we know the serenity which comes to those

Who find their strength and hope in the Lord.

Love

My friend Kathy tells me I am bold for blogging about love. Well, here's more love talk.

I was watching a movie the other night entitled, The Ugly Truth, and two scenes, connected by a common theme-love, stand out in my mind.

In the first scene, the actress is speaking to a guy she is seriously dating, but with whom she is not in love. He is obviously smitten with her and is about to propose marriage. She asks him why he loves her and he gives a list of reasons including her cute looks, smartness and easy going personality. She explains that she really doesn't have an easy going nature and that she was just being the person she thought he would want.

In the second scene, she asks a second guy why he loves her. This is a guy with whom she has had a fiery, tumultuous relationship but who is obviously passionately in love with her . He replies, "I don't know why I love you, I just do." In this case, his love is beyond definition. There are no reasons, and if all the reasons were to fade away-if she lost her mind, her good looks, her charm- the love would still exist.

This is a very powerful love.

In reflecting on my young adult life and the lives of my friends, I was always perplexed, and still am confused, by those who would make an account of what they wanted in a mate. For me, love just happened. It was something that couldn't be explained, defined, or controlled.

They say one "falls in love." Fall is the operative word. It's like falling into a black hole-there is no way to stop oneself, no way out, you just keep falling deeper and deeper.

This is unconditional love, this is true love, this is LOVE!

Took an overnight with John to the Lodge at Woodloch Spa. John's not exactly the spa type but it was nice to get away together.

It happened that there was a guest speaker in the evening- a psychiatrist and professor from Brown University, Dr. Scott Haltzman, who has written several books on happy marriages, Secrets of Happily Married Men, Secrets of Happily Married Women. The speaker highlighted an interesting topic articulated by another marriage specialist- Love Languages.

The speaker suggested that each person has one particular love language that they like or need in order to feel loved- it is often the same language they themselves use to communicate their love to others.

The five love languages he listed are:

1) acts of service - doing things for your spouse

2) affirmation- letting your spouse know how great he/she is.

3)touch/sex-speaks for itself!

4) quality time- spending time together

5) gifts- diamond rings, cars, furs, etc.

For a happy marriage you are supposed to find out what language your spouse speaks and talk to him/her in that language. For instance, I am not a gift person. While I like nice things and having my husband present me with a gift is always appreciated, I do not view it as a sign of his love for me. So, if he were to give me a gift and my Love Language was...lets say SEX...then I would definitely NOT be satisfied, and therefore, not feel loved.

I of course totally appreciate affirmation of my finest qualities, definitely like to spend quality time with my husband, and of course love sex, but I think my love language is probably, acts of service. So if John knows what's good for him, he'll get off the couch and clean out his closet!(ha,ha). Seriously, I love when he brings me coffee in the mornings, it makes me feel completely loved!

So, what is your love language? What is your spouses?

PS. I had a little more time to contemplate and I think my love language is quality time rather than acts of service. Maybe our language is just what we get least of, or what we crave the most!

Transitions

Transitions are frenzied and draining. It always happens when school ends or school starts- the adjustment to a different lifestyle is taxing. This week has been no different.

My calendar has a million scratch outs and each date is filled up with writing that is barely legible. Everyone's schedule is changing daily, I make doctor appointments that need to be canceled because my kid's plans have changed. I set up college visits only to change them three or four times. I try to arrange fun family time at the beach or a friends house, but our family is never all available on the same day.

My kids have their stuff to do- workout etc. but then comes down time when I'd like them to be helping around the house or reading a book but they rather not. And I become the annoying mom who can't relax! What do they think I was doing when they were gone at their workouts?

The laundry is constant, the cooking is constant, the cleaning is constant.

The college search must happen and essays must be written, but when? The garage must be cleaned out, basement too, but when? The weeds need pulling, but when? . If I leave it up to the kids, nothing will get done and I certainly don't want to do it myself.

The details are too much. Long phone calls to Verizon for TV issues. Lines at the Genius Bar for a slow apple. Motor Vehicle renewals. Medical forms needed for college that are hard to get. A less than adequate job being done on the deck with a guy who wants more money every day. Issues, issues, issues.

It is all too overwhelming, unsettling, and plain annoying! Well, on the bright side, my children are all home, healthy and happy. Really, what more can I ask for?

The Chosen, Chaim Potok

"When I was young, my father, may he rest in peace, began to wake me in the middle of the night, just so I would cry. I was a child, but he would wake me and tell me stories of the destruction of the Jerusalem and the suffering of the people of Israel, and I would cry. For years he did this. Once he took me to visit a hospital- ah, what an experience that was!- and often he took me to visit the poor, the beggars, to listen to them talk. My father himself never talked to me, except when we studied together. He taught me with silence. He taught me to look into myself, to find my own strength, to walk around inside myself in company with my soul. When his people would ask him why he was so silent with his son, he would say to them that he did not like to talk, words are cruel, words play tricks, they distort what is in the heart, they conceal the heart, the heart speaks through silence. One learns of the pain of others by suffering one's own pain, he would say, by turning inside oneself, by finding one's own soul. And it is important to know of pain, he said. It destroys our self-pride, our arrogance, our indifference towards others. It makes us aware of how frail and tiny we are and of how much we depend upon the Master of the Universe. Only slowly, very slowly, did I begin to understand what he was saying. For years his silence bewildered and frightened me, though I always trusted him, I never hated him. And when I was old enough to understand, he told me that of all people a tzaddik especially must know of pain. A tzaddik must know how to suffer for his people, he said. He must take their pain from them and carry it on his shoulders. He must carry it always. He must grow old before his years. He must cry, in his heart he must always cry. Even when he dances and sings, he must cry for the suffering of his people."

This is one of the most poignant writings I have ever read. It comes at the end of Chaim Potok's acclaimed book, The Chosen.

The father speaking is a tzaddik like his father before him and also has raised his son without talking to him except for during Torah study.

In this passage, he is speaking to his son's friend with his son present, and explaining to them why he needed to raise his son in this way.

His son is a brilliant student, he has a photographic memory and a penchant for reading and learning. The father is fearful that without the sadness, his son would not develop compassion and a soul worthy of a true tzaddik.

He tells a story about when his son was very young and he realized just how brilliant he was he said,"...I cried inside my heart. I went away and cried to the Master of the Universe, "What have you done to me? A mind like this I need for a son? A heart I need for a son, a soul I need for a son, compassion I want for my son, righteousness, mercy, strength to suffer and carry pain, that I want for my son, not a mind without a soul!"

Father's Day

Happy Father's Day to a wonderful dad!