My Boys Ain't Go'in Nowhere

I am outraged. Really, I mean who thought up this stuff?

"Hence a man leaves his father and mother and clings to his wife, so that they become one flesh." Genesis 2:24

Not a word about the daughter leaving her mother and father, just the man. Tell me, where is the equality in this?

Obviously, the author wasn't a mother of all boys and definitely not a Jewish mother of all boys.

Somehow I think the entire Christian faith may have come about in a way something like this...

Mary thinks to herself, "hmmm, I have this one son, no way am I letting him leave me to "cling" to his wife, so let's forget this Old Testament stuff and start our own thing. We can keep the Ten Commandments, but let's definitely leave out this crap about leaving the mother(and father)."

The author of this text definitely underestimated the intense nature of a mother's love. Let me tell you a story...

When my oldest son, John Connor, was born, he was jaundice. After a few days in the hospital together, he under the lamps and me recuperating from a c-section, the nurses informed me that I would have to go home and LEAVE my son in their care for a few more days.

"WHAT DID YOU SAY? NO WAY, I AIN'T GOING NOWHERE. YOU NURSES OBVIOUSLY DON'T UNDERSTAND. HAVEN'T YOU EVER HEARD ABOUT MATERNAL INSTINCT?"

Quickly, without thinking, and I really mean without thinking, I asked my husband to go to the cafeteria and get me a cup of tea. Immediately after I finished drinking, I complained of not feeling well and called in the nurse. Needless to say, my temperature was 103, and they were heading down the hall to call my doctor at home so he could come in and evaluate me.

Now, you have to appreciate that at that moment, I was temporarily insane, willing to do almost anything to stay in the hospital with my son. But, even in this wild state, I somehow knew it was wrong to bother my doctor late on this saturday night, and deep down, I also knew that the gig was up; I could fool them once but not twice. The nurses where on to me. So, I told my husband what I had done, and speechless from embarrassment, I made him apologize to the nurses and tell them of my imbecilic plan.

Back to the words at hand. "Hence a man leaves his father and mother and clings to his wife, so that they become one flesh". Genesis 2:24

Did this world renowned author really believe we mothers of boys wouldn't think of a way around this directive? Obviously, this author never heard of Jewish guilt.

Well, maybe I don't have the technique mastered, but, try as I may, for me the Jewish guilt thing doesn't work so well. Somehow my sons always call me out for laying a guilt trip on them and argue their way out of anything I'm trying to guilt them into doing.

So, the way I figure it, If I want to keep my sons around, I have only one other option, be a really, really awesome mother-in-law.

That means, keep my mouth shut, be a great cook, own a super terrific vacation home, and/or have a lot of money.

I guess I'll have to learn how to cook.

PS. Just as I finished writing this post, my son John calls to tell me that he won't be coming straight home on Monday evening . It doesn't matter that we haven't seen him for a long while since he is away at boarding school and flew to Denver this weekend for his official lacrosse visit and will only be home four short days before he leaves again to lacrosse training in Florida. No, he cannot come straight home from the airport because he is going to visit his girlfriend in NYC and have dinner with her family. The irony of it all!!!!