It is my fiftieth year. Truly a milestone. It is a year when I want to celebrate myself and reflect on who I have become over the past fifty years.

It was on New Years Eve that I realized I was turning fifty in 2010. My brother John said he was making ten year resolutions and I began to recognize the huge changes that would occur for me between the ages of fifty and sixty.

For the past twenty years, I have been a housewife and mother. Over the next ten years, my three sons will be grown and most probably will have left the house. Who will I be then?

The first two days of 2010, I spent as I have in past years, thinking and fretting about what job I should be doing, or not doing. Should I teach, go back to school for a second masters or maybe a doctorate. Should I focus on making money or will I only be fulfilled through volunteer work. What should I do to be satisfied. Who am I? Who do I want to be? How do I become this person? All these questions rattle through my mind until, each year, I give up, move on and start living my life as I always have been; one day at a time. But today is different.

Today I decided to write my first blog. Originally, I had this brilliant idea that I would get through my fiftieth year by keeping a calendar of all the fun things I do and count each of them as birthday gifts or mini celebrations. Before I could go to the store to purchase this calendar, I was given one by a friend who had extras and quickly realized that I'd never be able to fit all my doings in those small calendar spaces. That's when the blog idea hit me. No, actually it hit me the night before when I read a dear friend's blog and realized she was the second of my blogging friends and that I too could do this.

So here I am writing about my fiftieth year one day at a time. I hope that in writing down all the things that I do to make me happy I will come to know myself and appreciate who I have become. There is too much pressure on planning a fiftieth birthday celebration or a fiftieth birthday trip. But sitting here writing about my daily happenings, I will be able to look back on a, hopefully, very fulfilling fiftieth year.

I will start with yesterday, January 3rd, the first of my birthday celebrations. How appropriate that it was with my mother. After all, she is the one who birthed me, raised me and as much as I hate to admit it, she is the one most responsible for the person I am today.

Yesterday, I had lunch with my Mom, my cousin Nina, Nina's daughter Liza and one of my dearest friends Lesley. I try to meet my mom on a regular basis and my cousins or sister-in-law every now and then. Legal Seafood, at the Short Hills Mall, is our usual jaunt and that is where we were. While my guests had no idea I was being treated to the first of my birthday treats, we had a great lunch and it was a wonderful way to start my fiftieth year celebration.

Yesterday I was also able to help a friend. Well, maybe. I may have hooked her up with someone about a job possibility and I hope that works out for her. If it does, it would be my first mitzvah(good deed) for the year; or at least the first one I am aware of. I like to help others and helping someone help themselves is high up there on the mitzvah chart so I feel good about that and will definitely count it as a birthday gift.

I don't want to forget to mention that on New Years Day, I invited some girlfriends to see "Its Complicated". Edana and Lesley joined me for this great girl flick and I was happy to see a terrific movie about older couples in love( which is what I am). So I guess this should also be counted as another fiftieth birthday present even if I hadn't actually started counting yet and my friends had no idea I was even celebrating.