Wednesday, July 7, 2010


My friend Kathy tells me I am bold for blogging about love. Well, here's more love talk.

I was watching a movie the other night entitled, The Ugly Truth, and two scenes, connected by a common theme-love, stand out in my mind.

In the first scene, the actress is speaking to a guy she is seriously dating, but with whom she is not in love. He is obviously smitten with her and is about to propose marriage. She asks him why he loves her and he gives a list of reasons including her cute looks, smartness and easy going personality. She explains that she really doesn't have an easy going nature and that she was just being the person she thought he would want.

In the second scene, she asks a second guy why he loves her. This is a guy with whom she has had a fiery, tumultuous relationship but who is obviously passionately in love with her . He replies, "I don't know why I love you, I just do." In this case, his love is beyond definition. There are no reasons, and if all the reasons were to fade away-if she lost her mind, her good looks, her charm- the love would still exist.

This is a very powerful love.

In reflecting on my young adult life and the lives of my friends, I was always perplexed, and still am confused, by those who would make an account of what they wanted in a mate. For me, love just happened. It was something that couldn't be explained, defined, or controlled.

They say one "falls in love." Fall is the operative word. It's like falling into a black hole-there is no way to stop oneself, no way out, you just keep falling deeper and deeper.

This is unconditional love, this is true love, this is LOVE!

Sunday, July 4, 2010

Took an overnight with John to the Lodge at Woodloch Spa. John's not exactly the spa type but it was nice to get away together.

It happened that there was a guest speaker in the evening- a psychiatrist and professor from Brown University, Dr. Scott Haltzman, who has written several books on happy marriages, Secrets of Happily Married Men, Secrets of Happily Married Women. The speaker highlighted an interesting topic articulated by another marriage specialist- Love Languages.

The speaker suggested that each person has one particular love language that they like or need in order to feel loved- it is often the same language they themselves use to communicate their love to others.

The five love languages he listed are:
1) acts of service - doing things for your spouse
2) affirmation- letting your spouse know how great he/she is.
3)touch/sex-speaks for itself!
4) quality time- spending time together
5) gifts- diamond rings, cars, furs, etc.

For a happy marriage you are supposed to find out what language your spouse speaks and talk to him/her in that language. For instance, I am not a gift person. While I like nice things and having my husband present me with a gift is always appreciated, I do not view it as a sign of his love for me. So, if he were to give me a gift and my Love Language was...lets say SEX...then I would definitely NOT be satisfied, and therefore, not feel loved.

I of course totally appreciate affirmation of my finest qualities, definitely like to spend quality time with my husband, and of course love sex, but I think my love language is probably, acts of service. So if John knows what's good for him, he'll get off the couch and clean out his closet!(ha,ha). Seriously, I love when he brings me coffee in the mornings, it makes me feel completely loved!
So, what is your love language? What is your spouses?
PS. I had a little more time to contemplate and I think my love language is quality time rather than acts of service. Maybe our language is just what we get least of, or what we crave the most!