Sunday, July 4, 2010

Took an overnight with John to the Lodge at Woodloch Spa. John's not exactly the spa type but it was nice to get away together.

It happened that there was a guest speaker in the evening- a psychiatrist and professor from Brown University, Dr. Scott Haltzman, who has written several books on happy marriages, Secrets of Happily Married Men, Secrets of Happily Married Women. The speaker highlighted an interesting topic articulated by another marriage specialist- Love Languages.

The speaker suggested that each person has one particular love language that they like or need in order to feel loved- it is often the same language they themselves use to communicate their love to others.

The five love languages he listed are:
1) acts of service - doing things for your spouse
2) affirmation- letting your spouse know how great he/she is.
3)touch/sex-speaks for itself!
4) quality time- spending time together
5) gifts- diamond rings, cars, furs, etc.

For a happy marriage you are supposed to find out what language your spouse speaks and talk to him/her in that language. For instance, I am not a gift person. While I like nice things and having my husband present me with a gift is always appreciated, I do not view it as a sign of his love for me. So, if he were to give me a gift and my Love Language was...lets say SEX...then I would definitely NOT be satisfied, and therefore, not feel loved.

I of course totally appreciate affirmation of my finest qualities, definitely like to spend quality time with my husband, and of course love sex, but I think my love language is probably, acts of service. So if John knows what's good for him, he'll get off the couch and clean out his closet!(ha,ha). Seriously, I love when he brings me coffee in the mornings, it makes me feel completely loved!
So, what is your love language? What is your spouses?
PS. I had a little more time to contemplate and I think my love language is quality time rather than acts of service. Maybe our language is just what we get least of, or what we crave the most!


  1. My husband brought me flowers while I was working at the store last week and it was one of the nicest gestures ever, because it says that he's thinking of me.

  2. Love that!!!! Gifts might be your language and since your specialty is food, your exceptional meals may be the gift you like to give most. However, bringing flowers to your shop is more than just a gift, it is also an affirmation of love. You are one lucky girl!